Ryan James vs. MVP Front Office

What in the world is happening to Ryan James and where has he been?

According to sources close to James, Kim, Ryan’s lovely wife, is not thrilled with him playing softball nearly 4 days a week. Kim feels Ryan needs to grow up, get a grip, and give up on his dream to surpass Tom Loesch as the DSSL’s all-time hits leader.

A dream Ryan has had since birth.

According to MVP Insiders and DSSL Network Analysts, the Ryan James offseason signing (6yrs/$90M) was expected to pay huge dividends for MVP in their quest for a third DSSL championship. However, it is clear that Ryan has been nothing more than a Jacoby Ellsbury-like move by the MVP front office. Which is both a surprise and disappointment to fans across the zip code.

MVP Insider requested a comment from the James family and was able to get a comment upon bribing Ryan’s youngest daughter, Weslie, with a bag of dum dums. She alluded that her ‘Uncle Ky’ is not only the coolest uncle, but the better ballplayer of the 2. However, Matt is still the “Better Baylous” despite Wes’ convincing case on Kyle’s behalf. It appears Ryan has not only lost confidence amongst the clubhouse, but his own home as well.

Now this begs another question; why is MVP the team Ryan has decided is the most disposable of the 4?

It is likely that MVP is fourth out of the bag because, unlike his other teams, MVP has a slew of shortstops that are better and younger than him such as Kyle Baylous and Mike Giacchetto. RJ is clearly starting to show his age and as the weeks go by without him, MVP is actually getting better. The only loss on record this season can be mildly attributed to RJ’s late arrival, early exit, and complete and utter fiasco defensively in his brief time at short.

Ryan was spotted drinking last Saturday at Little RJ’s birthday with MVP GM and the two appeared to be getting along? A party, might I add, that appeared to be more fun for the adults than the children as Little RJ was not allowed to open his presents Saturday night due to Ryan being too drunk to partake in the festivities. RJ also pinky promised that night he would make it to the Goblins game, but if his intoxication levels are not sufficient for the promise to be binding, he also sent an email pictured below.

While this email was sent prior to Saturday night’s pow-wow at the James Estate, Ryan also appeared to be unhappy that he was annihilated in beer pong by the GM and Muscles, who hopes to attend one game to participate in an MVP Push-Up Contest against Meat Cannon.

Is Ryan jealous that his nemesis and his best friend were getting along on Saturday?

Perhaps.

Taking all of this into consideration, Ryan James will likely be placed on waivers by the end of the month if these antics continue. He was also sent a disciplinary email Monday morning informing him that the Stoners will have a new shortstop this coming Sunday which can be found below.

Will this email whip the MVP superstar into shape?

Here are the Vegas Odds of Potential Landing Spots for RJ:

• At Home with Kim -1000
• Remains with MVP -350
• Rolling Stoners -175
• Bagas +150
• Dugouts +400
• Boys +550
• Returning to Georgia with Frank Cutinella +800
• Bullworms +1200
• Goblins +1500
• Sizzlin +2500
• Forced into Retirement +3500

Ryan is hitting .500, a run scored in 2 at-bats, and multiple errors at SS in his only appearance for MVP this season.

Ryan James Bobblehead Day Presented by PwC was slated for July 10th against the Bagas has been put on hold until further notice.