There is No God; Ryan James Wins Batting Title

*Distraught Sigh*

It is with a heavy heart, that MVP has to announce that Ryan James (they/them) is the 2022 batting champ with a .769 average.

Way to go @RIZZ, @MUSCLES.

One f*cking job.

For those who haven’t been living under a rock this season, you know that RJ has had to shake off some harmless one-off jokes here and there. That being said, it is quite impressive for the guy to even show up all the while playing a high-leverage position and hitting at an unreal clip.

While “excited” isn’t the word this blogger would use, the GM is “accepting” of the reality that his superstar shortstop obtained a feat he has deserved for a long time. I mean it’s Ryan James after all. The opposition and their wives drool over his mastery on both sides of the field.

Lovey dovey feelings aside, a DSSL-focused Reddit Channel debated that 13 at-bats was a bit of a blemish and that, although RJ is one of his generation’s best talents, it’s not something that will be regarded as his greatest slowpitch softball achievement.

Which was obviously his non-reaction to taking a line drive directly into his groin region, revealing what many suspected; Ryan James is a woman.

The Reddit Channel got so heated in their support of Rizz and Muscles/hatred of RJ that they attempted to bring the case of Ryan James Vs. The People of the United States of America to the Supreme Court in an effort to deem the 12 at-bat minimum unconstitutional and force Mr. James to forfeit his title. A lawsuit which the GM publicly rejected, but sources close to the GM believe he privately funded the entire prosecution via lobbyists he met during his campaign trail for British PM. (DEVELOPING…)

The case was immediately tossed as the county clerk who received the case has a crush on Ryan James and he had this to say,

“He’s so cute and I love when he visits our nightclub (Heaven) and buys me my favorite cocktail, the ‘Rim Job’.”

Anonymous LGBTQ-Friendly County Clerk in Support of Ryan James

Private life aside, MVP Insider was able to get a quote from the GM regarding his relationship with him. Here’s what the GM went on record with,

“As an olive branch, I tried to call him to congratulate him and jokingly remind him that I have won this award twice. He didn’t answer and then texted me telling me where to go and how to get there before sending 7 heart emojis.

He has been suspended for the first two rounds of the postseason without pay.”

Butthurt GM on Ryan James

All kidding aside, congratulations to Ryan James.

You did good.

But I still hate you.