Unable to secure the majority vote in the House of Commons, Alex Bettenhauser resumed his seat at the helm of MVP Brew Crew this week for a matchup against The Boys (CONFIRMED).
Nick, aka “Munch”, returned from across the pond as well, after spending several months in the UK conducting various counterintelligence missions, straightening out foreign affairs, and otherwise doing his best James Bond impression.
But if Alex and Nick thought they were coming home for a cheeky weekend match of slow-pitch American cricket, they were sorely mistaken.
This game was a dog fight, featuring two opposing teams of SWR graduates separated by generations.
The Boys, run by GM Connor McAlary (SWR Class of ‘95, I think), pose a challenge for the opposition whenever they step onto the field, and have historically battled the Brew Crew hard.
With a roster full of guys I’m still scared of from my freshman year of high school, The Boys came to bat in the top of the first, for what would prove to be an all-time Sunday Softball classic.
On to the action.
1st Inning:
MVP took the field with the usual cast of characters in the top of the first.
It was a quiet inning, but one I still would have hated to be on the right side of the infield for, as The Boys have some lefties with serious pop at the top of their lineup.
However, any threat they posed was neutralized in the top half of the inning, as The Boys went down scoreless.
In the bottom of the first, Munch returned to the lineup batting lead off, but was unable to get anything started.
Back-to-back singles from Rizz and Alex provided some spark, but MVP was ultimately unable to ignite a big inning, going scoreless in the bottom half.
0 – 0.
2nd Inning:
Much of the same for both sides in the second inning, with neither team plating a run.
On to the third.
0 – 0.
3rd Inning:
The Boys hit the ball hard, but were held scoreless again in the third.
For the second weekend in a row, Brew Crew defense held firm, stopping everything in front of them.
In the bottom half, Brew Crew got on the board with an RBI single from Johnny One-Leg, giving the Crew a 1 – 0 lead.
1 – 0 Brew Crew.
4th Inning:
For a fourth straight inning, The Boys went down without scoring a run, with the Brew Crew defense sticking to the fundamentals (two hands!!!).
Adam Piotrowski drove home two in the bottom half, making it a 3 – 0 lead for the Brew Crew.
5th Inning:
The Boys jumped all over the ball in the top of the fifth.
They scored seven runs, highlighted by a towering shot into the right field woods.
Down four runs and sensing something amiss with his team, GM Alex Bettenhauser called a players-only meeting in between innings.
Here’s what he had to say:
“Is losing fun?—Is losing fun!?—What are you having fun for?”
GM, probably
Making a point to direct his fury at Matt Baylous of all people, who wasn’t even playing in this game.
The Crew stood in silence, some too ashamed to look up from their cleats. The long, painful stillness of the moment was finally broken by the GM, who had raised one finger to his ear, to say:
“THAT’S what losing sounds like.”
GM, cont.
Great GMs apparently do think alike, because Billy Beane essentially said exactly the same words in a scene from Moneyball.
With everyone on the team feeling like their lives, let alone their spot on the roster, was in jeopardy, MVP came to bat in the bottom of the fourth.
They put up a trio of runs, with RBI’s from Everett Wehr and Keith “Silver Fox” Sperling.
7 – 6 The Boys.
6th Inning:
Three more runs for The Boys in the top of the sixth would make it a 10 – 6 ballgame.
If you couldn’t feel Alex’s eyes boring into the back of your skull before, you sure did now.
MVP would get two back in the bottom of the inning, with Tommy Brady and the GM himself each knocking in a run.
10 – 8 The Boys.
7th Inning:
No runs for either side in the seventh.
A persistent feeling of unease permeated the Brew Crew bench, with murmurs of “I miss when Kyle was the GM” beginning to float around.
Onto the eighth.
8th Inning:
The Boys extended their lead by a run in the top of the eighth.
The Brew Crew came to bat in the bottom of the inning looking to get back into this game, but were held scoreless.
11 – 8 The Boys.
9th Inning:
In the top of the ninth, The Boys got another three runs across, making it a 14 – 8 ballgame.
By this point in the action, the momentum had shifted fully in The Boys’ favor, and the Brew Crew was on the verge of defeat for the first time since week one of the season.
The top of the MVP lineup came to bat in the ninth, needing nothing short of a heroic effort.
And that’s exactly what they would get.
Munch got the bottom of the ninth started with a leadoff double, and would advance to third following a single from Rizz.
Alex, the third man up in the inning, hit a sac fly to right center to bring home Munch, cutting the deficit to five runs.
After a Tommy Brady single, Ryan James, who’s had nothing but awful things said about him all season, drove in Rizz to make it 14 – 10.
With two outs and two on, Kyle Baylous (consensus favorite GM of all-time) came to bat looking to keep the inning alive.
Kyle quickly slashed a single into left field, bringing home Tommy Brady for one run, cutting The Boys lead to three.
James Loesch came to the plate next, with two men on and a chance to tie the game.
James took the first pitch as his walk up song, “Vivir Mi Vida” by Marc Anthony, faded into the background.
On the second pitch of the at bat, he unloaded, launching the ball over the left fielder’s head.
Ryan James and Kyle “Best GM” Baylous scored easily, with James racing around the bases behind them.
But, when he turned third base, James saw what can only be described as a look of shock, horror, and awe on the face of third base coach Johnny One-Leg.
One-Leg was frozen in his tracks and didn’t give James a sign to hold or continue home, so James rounded third, bearing down on the plate.
As soon as he got around third, he saw The Boys catcher squaring up to catch the ball. A perfect throw would have had him dead to rights, but the throw careened off the catcher’s glove and into the fence on the first base side, allowing James to score the tying run.
The Brew Crew bench erupted, mobbing James at the plate, with the now elated GM Alex Bettenhauser notably proclaiming,
“This guy is unbelievable!! James is a lock for the playoff roster!! I NEED him batting in the middle of the order come playoff time! Set it in stone, James Loesch is on the playoff roster!!”
GM, probably
Powerful words during a powerful moment.
The Boys were finally able to put the inning to bed by getting Shane “Meat Cannon” White to pop out, sending this game to extras.
14 – 14.
10th Inning:
The Brew Crew made quick work of The Boys in the top of the tenth, setting them down scoreless to keep the game tied.
Looking to walk it off in the bottom of the inning, MVP sent Donegan up to bat to lead off.
Mike ripped the first pitch he saw up the middle for a double, setting himself up in scoring position for Everett Wehr.
Everett quickly knocked a single through the infield, bringing home Donegan for the winning run, and capping off what was an all-time great game for the Sunday Softball record books.
Final: 15 – 14 Brew Crew.
MVP Brew Crew Softball Club 
Leave a comment