Following a bar fight in a notoriously gay bar in London, Heaven, Metropolitan Police in London have called the MVP GM as one of his players is amongst those implicated.
The accused?
Our very own Nick “Munch” Bettenhauser was named by eyewitnesses to be an instigator in a recent scrap that sources say was regarding Ryan James. Rupert Bar regulars appeared to be adamant that RJ, or “Cutie Patootie” as they call him, is the best shortstop and hottest MVP player, drawing comparisons to Derek Jeter. We at MVP know the hottest player is, without question, James Loesch and Ryan James would be Jeter’s chauffeur at best. Not surprisingly, Nick was furious and quick to put these Brits back in their place by breaking three of their noses. This had the potential to be a hate crime for a lesser ballplayer.
Yes, ICYMI, Nick was in a gay bar in London. MVP is a proud organization that encourages all its players, fans, and staff to live the life they want, and we believe in equality and peace for all. Except Ryan James.
Moving on…
While the GM is not particularly thrilled his defending batting champion is currently sitting in an English jail cell, it is his responsibility to ensure the young MVP star makes bail. Nick cannot afford to bail himself out as, upon learning Joe “Muscles” Sorrentino is the current batting leader, spent all his money at a London GNC believing concoctions of protein powders to be Joe’s secret weapon. Nick was likely high on protein powders and smelling salts when the altercation occurred, but Metropolitan Police are willing to expunge all charges if he makes sure Ryan James does not win the batting title.
It appears the Metropolitan Police Department, British Royal Navy, and Her Majesty placed bets on the field for the batting champion at the start of the season and Ryan James is f*cking up everything by only playing against bottom-of-the-barrel Sizzlin to inflate his batting average. Yes, we’re on to you Ryan and now, so is the United Kingdom. If Muscles or Rizz are to win the title, Her Majesty will personally reward Nick with an MBE for his work in public activism against tools like Ryan James stealing the batting title from those more deserving.
When MVP Insider requested a comment from the Munch camp, his legal team had this to say about Munch’s time in Heaven,
“While it was our client who was in Heaven on Saturday night, it is important to note that Ryan James, too, has had his seven minutes of fun there as well.”
Munch Legal Team
Is Ryan James a regular? Does his wife, Kim, know about this? (DEVELOPING…)
Here are the current odds for the title as of Monday morning:
- RJ: -350
- Muscles (Originally Part of the Field): -150
- Rizz (Originally Part of the Field): +110
- Brady: +225
- GM: +550
- The Field: +10000
A red-hot, GM-less MVP squad will take on the Bullworms Sunday as Kyle Baylous will trade in his captain’s band for a suit and tie in the interim. Congratulations to him and MVP Insider will continue to provide the latest developments regarding Munch.
MVP Brew Crew Softball Club 
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