It is clear that MVP is finally having fun again (we had a ‘Make Softball Great Again’ campaign set to roll out, but it ruffled feathers with some left-leaning MVP players) as another Sunday goes by, another win for MVP by a score of 18-6 over Sizzlin.
Back by an overwhelming request by MVP players, we will run through the lineup 1-16 because I’m a man of the people.
Even though this is a lot of typing and I don’t understand why you all want to sit through and read this, but here you go.
Leading Off: London (3-4, 2B should’ve been a triple but Loesch twinkle toe’d, 1 Run, 1 RBI) does nothing interesting on field, but Rizz needs to watch his back for the batting title. Also gives the James children a jumbo dum dums bag for Wes’ participation in the well-received ‘Ryan James Vs. MVP Front Office’ blog.
“I’m sorry he jipped you of a triple Alex, Tom runs like that because he doesn’t want to hurt the ground.”
One-Leg to the GM following Loesch’s underwhelming base running
Batting 2nd: Rizz (1-3, 1 Run, 1 RBI) continues to get bailed out by sac flies and keep his hold on the batting title lead for now. Also provides a 1st base footwork tutorial for some of his more challenged teammates, more to come on that.
Batting 3rd: Meat Cannon (2-4, HR, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs) finally gets back in the home run groove by blasting a ball over an incredibly shallow right center fielder that he identified at the start of the game as his bitch. He delivered. He also continues to show why third base is no longer a concern for MVP with play after play at the hot corner.
Cleaning Up: Z-Dubs (3-4, HR, 2B, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs) fell a triple short of the cycle in yet another spectacular display at the dish. In the 2nd he sent ball so far that the left fielder needed to show his passport to Canadian Customs in order to retrieve it. He has been red hot and sources close to White say it was a recap from the Boys match-up that has inspired such a great stretch of games. You’re welcome.
Batting 5th: Brady (3-4, 3 Runs) shows up and clearly has not missed a beat with a classic 3-4 performance. He seems keen on taking home his first batting title as he must’ve mentioned it 8 or 9 times throughout the course of the game. He also booted the first ball hit to him and then stopped a ball at 2nd base with his chest. This caused our Captain to cue circus music. Not totally warranted, but funny nonetheless.
Batting 6th: RJ (4-4, 2 2B, 3 Runs, 1 RBI) actually shows up and plays better than we expected. I kid. I give credit where credit is due. RJ hit very well today and although it hurts to type it, I must speak the truth. His defense, however, is clearly something that will require some work. Ryan kicked balls at short, blamed Shane for an error (and called him fat in the process), nearly killed his own children with an erratic throw, and his dyslexia clearly showed as his footwork was a disaster at first base, but no harm occurred.
“You play on turf with composite bats and you ‘pussified’ when THAT was hit to you.”
“What do you want me to do? There was a 300 pound guy (Meat Cannon, who is 265 for those concerned) going towards the ball.”
Muscles and RJ bickering over a miscue at shortstop
Batting 7th: Captain Baylous (4-4, 3 Runs, 1 RBI) is trying to regain his ‘Better Baylous’ status with a spectacular performance at the dish. I am going to attribute it to putting him back at 2nd instead of short. Yet another feather in this GM’s cap. The ‘Gleyber Torres Effect’ appears to be real and Kyle’s return to 2nd may mean trouble for those atop the batting title ladder.
Batting 8th: James (2-4, 1 Run, 3 RBIs) continues to stay hot with another great performance at the dish, but the plate wasn’t where James made headlines this week. Following what sources saying was a piss in the woods, James returned with a multitude of ticks on him, some speculate between 5 and 10, and went barefoot in the dugout during the team BBQ.
Batting 9th: Gio (1-3, 2 RBIs) brings back the headband and inspires quite a few MVP players to mimic his iconic ‘Karate Kid’ look. Mike also nearly killed the Sizzlin pitcher, SCPD did come to the field to investigate, but left upon learning that Officer Joe Sorrentino was already on the scene.
Batting 10th: Ringo (2-4) who showed up as groovy as ever to the game sporting a headband and Ringo Starr-like glasses because he thought today was ‘Beatles Day’ at the ballpark. Unfortunately, it was not, but here’s his look pictured below:
Batting 11th: Muscles (3-4, 1 RBI) makes his 2022 debut and delivers a 3-4 performance and a boat load of trash talk, especially towards Ryan James. Which is always strongly encouraged. Joe sported a pink headband and used “It’s Raining Men” as his walk-up song in support of Pride Month. Why did he use that song you might ask, well, here’s Muscles for his reasoning,
“Men are tighter than women these days, especially after they have a kid.”
Muscles
SIDE NOTE: Aren’t you tired of reading yet? No? Fine. We carry on.
Batting 12th: Keith Sperling (1-3) makes his 2022 debut and reps the now retired MVP vest from 2019-2021. Keith was inducted into the Jewish Softball Hall of Fame earlier this week. Congratulations to Keith on his well-deserved recognition. His jersey retirement will take place sometime in July.
Batting 13th: Ev (1-3) plays a brilliant outfield and is one of the few MVP players to stay behind and help clean up from the BBQ. He also appeared to be mildly offended upon being told he plays like an old man, a phrase that is clearly a compliment in the context of Sunday Softball.
Batting 14th: Donnie (1-3, HR, 1 Run, 1 RBI) shows up after first pitch and was fined $5,000 for his tardiness, but delivered a bomb to center field and recorded his first career home run with MVP AND he did it while wearing glasses.
Batting 15th: One-Leg (1-3) is honestly my favorite player on the team, saves the James/Sorrentino kids from getting hit by a foul ball (take notes Ryan), and I met his lovely wife today; what a day.
Wrapping Things Up: Tom Loesch (1-3, 1 Run) was masterful on the mound after a rough first inning where the young Sizzlin squad put on 4 runs. From the 2nd to the 9th, Sizzlin was held to just 2 more runs and was unable to score, even with Ryan James playing, from the 3rd inning on. He also delivered the quote of the day after he and Keith unsuccessfully dumped garbage into a different bag. Here it is,
“That’s alright, we’re all gonna shower later. Not together of course.”
Tom Loesch
Phew. There ya have it.
I’m never batting 16 guys again. Kidding.
Happy Father’s Day to all the MVP Daddies.
Notables:
- MVP has another successful post-game barbecue
- Sizzlin first basemen does not sign autographs for the James and Sorrentino children, shame on you
- Muscles and Meat Cannon to have push-up contest next week, officiated by One-Leg’s mom
- Shane to grow a mustache
- GM and Brady stand side by side in field and Sizzlin players do not realize, but Muscles does
- All the ticks have found a new home on James’ socks
- Muscles uses the word ‘pussified’
- MVP takes headshots for site
- Nobody picks up the cooler and an update from management will be provided this week
- ‘Crazy Hat Day’ is next week and, yes, it is mandatory
MVP Brew Crew Softball Club 
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